hellufacade | IC Inbox

...Right.

[He loses control of the purring again, but just gives into it this time. Fuck it, he thinks. She’s seen worse from him by now. What’s one more badge of shame? He planned to by and large deny any and everything anyway. After a couple minutes his voice comes again.]

...A long, long time ago... The three of us would while away the days and nights in one another’s company. I’m not sure I appreciated it enough back then... But those days are the very sweetest of my memories. [ He presses a hand to his chest, feeling his own heartbeat.]

Edited 2020-05-07 22:14 (UTC)

Would that I could recall them, too.

[ It feels voyeuristic and exploitative to crave the intimacy between three strangers who lived thousands of years ago, even if she was once one of the three. The longing is so deep and dangerous that she feels she could drown if she walked too far down that path. ]

Would that I could recall what peace was like.

[ He grasps the back of her coat by the shoulders and sits still and quiet.]

...I sincerely hope that one day you will.

[The shape of his loneliness, vast and dense, weighs heavily in his breast. Unable to truly cope with its enormity, an understatement passes through his lips. ]

I miss them. And yet, I know only one way to honor them.

[ She tilts her head and gazes down at him, trepidation rising in her. For what, she does not know. ]

Only one?...

Yes. Out of habit, I suppose. ...Perhaps it is time to rethink a couple things. I can... hope. At least. [ He said as he felt his heart soften just the littlest bit.]

...Aren’t you lonely?

[ She sucks in a breath, bracing against a sudden flare of pain that rises with the unmourned ghosts of her own past. It would be hard to miss the weird tension her body takes on, though she makes no move to shrink from him. ]

Uh. Ah. L- lonely? Iii... don't normally... entertain those kinds of thoughts... [ It feels like she's calling to him from the bottom of a well. ]

[ He sits up straight (sort of) to look at her with a raised brow and a tilt to his head.]

Nonsense. Those are not feelings that we entertain like guests, but specters that come to us in the minutes or hours before sleep claims us.

[He lets go of her coat and just watches her. ]

Did I touch a nerve?

No. More of a hero's trade secret.

[ It's easy to hear people out as they share their innermost demons. It's even easy to offer a bit story or share a slice of sympathy for their plight. Having something like this dragged into the light is entirely different. She snorts, leaning forward to rest her weight against her arms and thighs. She stares downward at her feet. ]

Why else do you think I collapsed in your car? I don't have the aether to carry on for days the way I'm used to.

Edited 2020-05-08 00:26 (UTC)

[He gives her the sort of look that indicates that he was only half listening while formulating his own thoughts and theories.]

Ahhh... I see.

You lock your loneliness behind a door and stand staring at it, armed with a knife to cut it down if it bursts free. Well, I can tell you, from experience, that does not work forever. Depending on your course... If you let your knife slip from your fingers... I suppose you only have to truly experience the crushing weight of it for a few years. That is, before the Lifestream claims and cleans the sorrow from your soul, hmm?

[He grasps and disperses an imaginary soul in his hands.]

Is that the draw of mortality? To die in such a way that your emotions don't have time to find you?

[ Yenh wasn't sure what she had been expecting. Maybe that he would take the lead from her hour and change of silent attentiveness. Or, at the very least, that he would pay attention. Unrealistic, and foolish, she chides herself. ]

[ She sighs in exhaustion. Collecting her patience, she remains silent as she pinches the bridge of her nose between her fingers. ]

[He frowns at that.]

Don't be like that. I'm trying to connect with you. Relate to you. I asked if you were lonely for a reason, you know. I'm being honest, and so should you be. You may get quite a bit out of it, you know. I even had a proposition if you would just humor me.

[ She drops her hand and glances at him in only mild disbelief. ]

That's your idea of relating to me? [ She furrows her brow. ] Half-listening, then big grand declarations of what's wrong with me? I could do better than humor you if you'd stop that.

Edited 2020-05-08 01:09 (UTC)

[He gives her a wide-eyed look that moves into a sad sort of shame. He was actually trying... And finding himself coming up short. He runs a hand through his hair, mouth twitching when he feels his own cat ear. He takes a deep breath and drops his hand. He stares up at the dimmed stage lights for a moment, collecting himself. He closes his eyes as he levels his face back to her. He opens his eyes slowly, brows pinching as he tries to peek at her soul and finds... Some absurd goddamn color. ]

...Alright. Let me try again. I... I'm listening. [He reaches one hand out, palm up. His eyes flick from it to her.] Speak to me.

Edited 2020-05-08 01:35 (UTC)

[ Her eye widens at the sharp change in his whole demeanor. She honestly hadn't expected that to work. Yenh bites her glove off and puts her hand into his, moving quickly as though a window of opportunity is vanishing. Without the padding layer, it's once again obvious how truly tiny she is beneath all the combat gear and the put-on swagger. Yet it's only with a hair of hesitation before she pivots her hand to tangle her fingers into his. ]

[ He wanted honesty, then he'll have it. She meets his eyes with a wild intensity. ]

Yes. I am lonely. But what option does the Warrior of Light have? [ A completely absurd and meaningless smile creeps onto her face. ] Anyone I could choose as a close companion would become a target. Why should I ever put anyone I care about in that position?

[He gives her a look of true understanding. His lips part as he stares at her. He seems to be... processing something. His eyes tremble a little as he stares at her. ]

This has made islands of us all, I see. [This being... The sundering, the rejoinings. The endless cycle. He bites his lower lip.]

...Countless times have I wanted to stop. To be satisfied. To find... love and peace. To be comforted that everything would just be alright. [He closes his eyes as he closes his fingers around hers. ] ...But that is always just out of reach, isn't it?

[ The weird smile loses its staying power and fades. It's a truth about him she would have been more surprised to learn if Elidibus had not offered some seemingly-cold comment regarding Emet-Selch and his mercurial nature. ]

... aye. Two of the most powerful people in the world are two of the loneliest— and no-one the wiser. Whyever should a hero of Light or Dark feel such a thing? T'would be funny, were it not so cruel.

Alas, cruelly, we are still people. [He smiles bitterly, gazing at their hands. ]

Which brings me to my earlier point... You are lonely. I am lonely. None but the other can understand us. So... Come live with me. Speak with me, toil with me—And if the Gods smile upon us we just may find a solution to this ceaseless madness.

And if you truly are our chosen hero, you will need to take better care of yourself. ‘Tis either by miracle or design of your blessing that you have not died of exhaustion, I think.

[ She stares at him, mouth agape. Yenh continues to find it blatantly unfair how completely sensible he can be while still being a complete lunatic. ]

Would we not simply be tormenting ourselves? What if we lose the other? [ She asks this out of protest. ]

What if I die before you, you mean? Well, you’ve already had to wrestle with that fate, haven’t you? And I’m long used to losing others... I would be disappointed. Buuuut, I’m always disappointed. [So he shrugs.]

Unless you mean something else?

[ She settles back into worry, though she begins to feel foolish. Maybe they had been talking about completely different types of loneliness. He did, after all, only suggest they keep each other company and become partners-in-crime. Metaphorically. Probably. And it would align with her mission to keep an eye on the local Ascian. ]

[ Which leaves Yenh wondering what absolute madness it is that has seized her instead. ]

No. No, you're right. It would make a sensible arrangement.

[His eyes take a wild glint. He’s sort of astonished, really, that she agreed. But it would be a very good arrangement. He raises his other hand into the air, pointing. ]

Well, I’m not abandoning the theater. So you’ll just have to live in Nonah!

[ Yenh withholds her comment that maybe the theater wouldn't mind being abandoned. It does give him something constructive to do that isn't, well, following the bidding of Zodiark to perform the Rejoining. ]

Fine. Does your building have a spare room, or shall I make a bed in the basement? I could string a hammock up.

Oh, they’re all unpleasant. Plus, there’s nowhere to park my car. Let us find somewhere else...

[He grins. Even if this is a disaster, it is forward movement. ]

House or apartment?

[ Yenh feels like all of this is part of a decision that is as dangerous as any of the adventures she's been on lately. ]

House, I think. One with a very old tree. I like the chance to stretch out under the sky.

Hm... It shouldn’t be too hard to find a property like that in this city.

[He gives her hand a squeeze before drawing it back to his own lap. This all did feel completely insane, didn’t it? But he was a caution to the wind sort of man. And he was bored and sad, and a change sounded wonderful.]

Well... do you have any belongings?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject