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[ Of all the things Yenh had intended for this conversation, destroying Emet-Selch with the mention of one word was not one of them. ]

[ She scrambles closer to the edge. ]

He... spoke at great length of your struggles. Your love of your your people and for Zodiark. He merely alluded to who I once was, and to our ancient friendships, yet he hardly seemed surprised to find me there. [ Yenh begins to extend a hand toward him, then freezes midway as she asks herself once again whether she should be comforting him. The answer is a grudging yes, and she lays her hand on top of his head. ]

Edited 2020-05-07 17:50 (UTC)

[ He seems shocked by the contact but he doesn’t shun it. His ears twitch. He looks up at her with bright, watering eyes.]

Oh, Hythlodaeus... my dearest... [He trails off, frowning. Damn. Damn, dammit. The flood gates had been cracked open and his flood of emotions long kept tamped and in check threatened to burst free. He steps closer and winds his arms around her as he places his head on her thigh, shielding his face from her as his shoulders shake. The recognition of his struggle hit hard coming from her, from him. Had he given himself space to mourn properly?

He felt stupid and pathetic and angry in this moment.]

[ So this is how it's gonna be, huh. Yenh swore to stop Emet-Selch one way or another, though it felt impossible that anything could change. Now a crack in the wall of inevitability has appeared. Not even he is impossible. ]

[ Sharing his experience of feeling stupid—albeit for very different reasons—both hands now caress in long gentle strokes through his hair and along his scalp. It is the same gesture she would pay to anyone grieving. ]

[ She doesn't bother saying a word. ]

[He cries until the tears stop coming so easily. Until he feels empty. His chest and his head hurts, his nose is stuffed. He realizes the folly only now of pressing his face into her leg. She would see him anyway. He’s clearly having some trouble breathing now, too. But the rub on his scalp is so nice... ]

[He shields his face from her as he turns and stalks towards the restroom, hands over his nose and jeans riding ... further... down his hips. He reappears several moments later looking lost. His face has been wiped clean of running make up, but his eyes and cheeks are still red. Ah yes, his make up is in his car. And he’d have to pass through here anyway. But he seems blank right now. He walks towards his seat as if in a trance and drinks whatever he had in his glass. He looks to her, wordless. He still looks like he had some crying left in him.]

...Now what?

[ She would be surprised if even that span of time for a cry would be adequate for him. She suspects her own would be a ceaseless flow. With the stakes what they've been, the time he takes to be even this presentable is feels perfectly within reason. ]

[ She spent a good portion of it in a meditative state, too afraid to hold onto any one thought for too long. Her own grief threatened find a way out through those precious normal moments hidden behind and around the losses and the victories. They slip by one by one, and time and again she refocuses on his trembling and the bases of his ears to settle down. ]

[ By the his relative recovery, the only thought she has left to think is the tragedy of having not said it sooner. His words return her back to the moment and to their shared reality here on Earth. ]

[ She considers his question, looking upon him in an odd blend of protective warmth and deep fearful uncertainty. ]

I... will start with an apology. That I did not tell you any sooner is a travesty. Nor how much the Scions, the Exarch, and I strive to... really remember what Amaurot was. Who your people were. Who you were. [ Yenh inclines her head. She finds it easier not to look at him. ] I understand it is too little, too late. Mayhap anything I say is an insult at this point, mayhap I deserve a degree of your wrath. But I respect you. I... [ What is there to be said? 'Sorry I killed you'? Yenh had no choice. She flounders against this sense of inadequacy. ] Wish it hadn't ended like that.

[He walks in a half circle around her— and this is becomes clear that he's just entering the stage. He walks up behind her, his dress shoe heels clicking against the wood. He stops and then gets down slowly, his actions reflecting his various aches and pains as he sits next to her.]

...I, too, wish it hadn't ended thus.

[He folds his bare hands together as his feet dangle over the stage. He gazes at them.]

Let us pretend for a moment that we are not prisoners of absurdity. What if there is a purpose for us to be here, meeting on these terms? What should we make of that?

[ Yenh exhales. ]

What, indeed. [ Yenh props her head up on her chin, gazing into the distance between them by way of their legs and feet. What he asks is at once incredibly simple and remarkably difficult to answer. ]

Without knowing the purpose, what I make of it is... we've now the opportunity to ask those questions together. Which is a better place than before.

[ She rubs the back of her neck. ]

Edited 2020-05-07 20:39 (UTC)

[He peers down as his tail comes to rest between them. It looks like it has had better days at this close distance.]

...To find another option. To begin anew. To speak and learn. To discover together, then. [His expression is unmistakably sad. His eyelashes are still dewy. He falls into meaningful silence before he takes a deep breath. He lets it out and squeezes his eyes shut as a new wave of his headache washes over him. His lips part a moment before he actually speaks.]

You can trust me. [He pulls his legs up towards his chin, winding his arms around them as he perches.] After all... I find myself no longer tempered.

[ She snaps her head to look over at him. Yenh opens her mouth, and then closes it again. This is one of those times she doesn't trust herself not to say something incredibly foolish and budding-relationship-ruining. ]

[ Her hand finds his head again, and she tangles it into his hair in a slow scritching motion. ]

What... No words for me? [His complaint is shallow, however. He leans into her touch until his head is on her shoulder and his legs are no longer pulled up to his chest. He lets his eyes fall closed.]

[And then a purr escapes his throat and his eyes shoot open. He sits up and away from her, a hand at his throat in confusion and embarrassment as he stares at her like she had something to do with it.]

[ She stares right back, hand still held aloft and frozen in position where his head just was. She stares at the hand, fingers curled, back to him, her hand, and then she lowers it slowly. ]

... that isn't... typical of miqo'te.

[His face burns with embarrassment as he stares at the ceiling for a moment. Of course this would happen.]

It isn't, is it. [He grimaces, wondering what to do next. The petting was nice, the purring is humiliating. He weighs his options. He doesn't look at her as he edges closer again, slowly laying his head on her again.]

As long as we're both in agreement that it's part of this curse and not... Some perverse little affectation of mine. [He grumbles as his shoulders come up. He makes himself comfortable as he sighs, feeling desperately sad about how clearly he needed the comforting. Even his own ego couldn't pry him from the spot.]

...Go on.

[ The desire to go run a few more laps rises in her. She leaves it alone. ]

R... right, yes, of course. In your shoes, I'd be purring too, no doubt. [ Feeling a measure of secondhand embarrassment, she simply resumes as though nothing had happened, grateful he is not angled to see her incredulity. It's all she can do to focus back in and actually comfort him with touch, though her brief struggle with distraction results in a finger stroking along his ear. ]

...Right.

[He loses control of the purring again, but just gives into it this time. Fuck it, he thinks. She’s seen worse from him by now. What’s one more badge of shame? He planned to by and large deny any and everything anyway. After a couple minutes his voice comes again.]

...A long, long time ago... The three of us would while away the days and nights in one another’s company. I’m not sure I appreciated it enough back then... But those days are the very sweetest of my memories. [ He presses a hand to his chest, feeling his own heartbeat.]

Edited 2020-05-07 22:14 (UTC)

Would that I could recall them, too.

[ It feels voyeuristic and exploitative to crave the intimacy between three strangers who lived thousands of years ago, even if she was once one of the three. The longing is so deep and dangerous that she feels she could drown if she walked too far down that path. ]

Would that I could recall what peace was like.

[ He grasps the back of her coat by the shoulders and sits still and quiet.]

...I sincerely hope that one day you will.

[The shape of his loneliness, vast and dense, weighs heavily in his breast. Unable to truly cope with its enormity, an understatement passes through his lips. ]

I miss them. And yet, I know only one way to honor them.

[ She tilts her head and gazes down at him, trepidation rising in her. For what, she does not know. ]

Only one?...

Yes. Out of habit, I suppose. ...Perhaps it is time to rethink a couple things. I can... hope. At least. [ He said as he felt his heart soften just the littlest bit.]

...Aren’t you lonely?

[ She sucks in a breath, bracing against a sudden flare of pain that rises with the unmourned ghosts of her own past. It would be hard to miss the weird tension her body takes on, though she makes no move to shrink from him. ]

Uh. Ah. L- lonely? Iii... don't normally... entertain those kinds of thoughts... [ It feels like she's calling to him from the bottom of a well. ]

[ He sits up straight (sort of) to look at her with a raised brow and a tilt to his head.]

Nonsense. Those are not feelings that we entertain like guests, but specters that come to us in the minutes or hours before sleep claims us.

[He lets go of her coat and just watches her. ]

Did I touch a nerve?

No. More of a hero's trade secret.

[ It's easy to hear people out as they share their innermost demons. It's even easy to offer a bit story or share a slice of sympathy for their plight. Having something like this dragged into the light is entirely different. She snorts, leaning forward to rest her weight against her arms and thighs. She stares downward at her feet. ]

Why else do you think I collapsed in your car? I don't have the aether to carry on for days the way I'm used to.

Edited 2020-05-08 00:26 (UTC)

[He gives her the sort of look that indicates that he was only half listening while formulating his own thoughts and theories.]

Ahhh... I see.

You lock your loneliness behind a door and stand staring at it, armed with a knife to cut it down if it bursts free. Well, I can tell you, from experience, that does not work forever. Depending on your course... If you let your knife slip from your fingers... I suppose you only have to truly experience the crushing weight of it for a few years. That is, before the Lifestream claims and cleans the sorrow from your soul, hmm?

[He grasps and disperses an imaginary soul in his hands.]

Is that the draw of mortality? To die in such a way that your emotions don't have time to find you?

[ Yenh wasn't sure what she had been expecting. Maybe that he would take the lead from her hour and change of silent attentiveness. Or, at the very least, that he would pay attention. Unrealistic, and foolish, she chides herself. ]

[ She sighs in exhaustion. Collecting her patience, she remains silent as she pinches the bridge of her nose between her fingers. ]

[He frowns at that.]

Don't be like that. I'm trying to connect with you. Relate to you. I asked if you were lonely for a reason, you know. I'm being honest, and so should you be. You may get quite a bit out of it, you know. I even had a proposition if you would just humor me.

[ She drops her hand and glances at him in only mild disbelief. ]

That's your idea of relating to me? [ She furrows her brow. ] Half-listening, then big grand declarations of what's wrong with me? I could do better than humor you if you'd stop that.

Edited 2020-05-08 01:09 (UTC)

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